Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
