i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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