This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
