We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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