first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Are my feet made of real feet?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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