those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
