Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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