I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
