WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
