im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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