So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
