Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
