This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
