he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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