I heard we made out
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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