It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
