Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
