I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
FUCK WHALES
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
