just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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