if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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