So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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