Buhtt sex?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
