i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
