I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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