Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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