You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
