Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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