i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
