yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
