well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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