I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
