I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
