Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.