I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.