Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.