i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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