So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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