I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
