found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
