my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
