so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
