you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
