What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
