I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
