i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize