yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
