I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
