And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
