is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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