the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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