Dual....:-)
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
