it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is Oprah even human
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
