I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
