Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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