whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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