I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
