It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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