my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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