I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
