Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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