sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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