I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
