She is in my trunk
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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