I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
