Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
