Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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