So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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