Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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