Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
