I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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