Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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