Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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