I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
