It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
